I could tell you how to do nothing...

but I really don't know how

Thinking

The other day I had to have a medical procedure (I’m fine) which involved not one, but two MRI’s spaced four hours apart.  Not so bad, I thought, I  can go home and clean the house between appointments (does anyone else find cleaning calming?)  But then the doctor told me the only place I could get this particular MRI done was in a suburb many, many kilometres away which made going home between appointments a ludicrous idea.  So I fortified myself. I took my phone because duh, my kindle because I always take my kindle with me and my laptop. I envisaged myself getting a whole lot of work and reading done in a ‘lovely’ medical setting.

I wasn’t petrified about the MRI because last time I went for one (very recently) I took a valium beforehand and my husband drove me there and  I was irritated at the wastage of the valium and embarrassed by the fact that I took my husband with me as if I was 108.  The procedure was quick and they had a little mirror placed above my head so I could see out and it didn’t feel like I was in a tunnel/coffin.

So on this day I was prepared for the MRI part and I had taken all steps to mitigate boredom while waiting fours hours for the contrast to light up my brain.  What I didn’t take into consideration was all the tunnel/being-apart-from-my-electronic-devices part.

I checked in with reception and they took me to a room where I had to take off my jewellery and put my bag - with my laptop, phone and kindle, in a locker.  And then I had to lock the locker and pretend I was a normal person who could while away the time waiting for my turn in the machine without a phone or a kindle or a laptop.

‘Just wait here till we call you in ’ said the radiographer after inserting a canula into my arm.

‘Should I just get my book out of my  bag?’ I asked, briefly wishing I had taken a Valium.

‘Not necessary. It won’t be long.’  She said this as if it wasn’t a big deal. But there I was sitting with nothing to do for whatever ‘won’t be long’ means. I read all the signs around me - the ones that say ‘please wash your hands’, and ‘we value your feedback’ and ‘please make sure to leave the locker key in the locker’ and then I was done doing nothing.

Finally she came to escort me to the MRI machine. I pretended I could meditate, I acted like I was calm - and then she told I would be in the machine for fifteen minutes after which she would inject the contrast into the canula and after that it would take another fifteen minutes. I am no maths whizz, but even I could tell that was going to be more than half an hour of doing nothing. Half an hour of just lying there without my phone, kindle or laptop but this time with a loud crushing magnetic noise repeatedly bashing around my head.

I wish I could tell you that I drifted off into a peaceful daydream and the time passed quickly and without incident. Instead I will tell you the truth. I do not know how to do nothing. And I do not like lying alone with my thoughts IN A TUNNEL

I am immensely grateful for modern science and technology and the machinery that will be able to tell the doctor what is going on - I just hope my brain was still long enough for them to read the images, because I can tell you for sure it wasn’t just sitting quietly and complying with the instructions not to move.

Reading

Literary confession: I have never read Huckleberry Finn or Tom Sawyer or anything by Mark Twain and frankly I am unlikely to.  But I did just read James by Percival Everett which is a reimagining of the Huckleberry Finn story but from the perspective of an enslaved man who goes by the name Jim.

James was shortlisted for the Booker Prize and although I am not usually a person who reads list based on awards, I can see why this book was shortlisted. It is absolutely compelling, breathtakingly sad, beautifully humorous and devastatingly eye-opening.

In an interview with PBS News Percival Everett said ‘I don't have any stake in what people think, but I certainly want to live in a world where people think’ and this book has made me think. A lot. About race and fear and mankind’s capacity for cruelty. We may think of slavery as something that happened in the past and confine it to history but it’s important to remember what happened on a human level and to understand the long term trauma it caused. To have the story told by a Black man with insight and knowledge who writes with as much lyricism as Percival Everett will not just open your eyes but it will open your heart.

I cried. I winced with embarrassment and shame for my part in living and growing up in apartheid South Africa. You should read this book if for no other reason than to challenge the way you think. The story and James will stay with you for a long time and you will be better for it.

Food

Last week was an important Jewish Holy Day, a day of fasting and atonement - Yom Kippur. The reason I mention it in my “eating” section is because the best part of fasting is breaking the fast which I hosted at my house on Saturday night. As I have mentioned before I am not religious but my Judaism provides me with a cultural reference point that anchors me to my ancestors and the people around me in a very particular way. While most Jewish holidays have specific symbolic foods associated with them the breaking of the fast gives me the opportunity to make foods associated with my childhood and, especially from this cookbook first published in 1978 and which I still own (as you can tell from the look of it). Myrna Rosen’s tuna lasagne and her cheesecake are both rich, creamy, buttery and delicious dishes that make fasting almost worthwhile.

Do you have childhood foods that you go back to for comfort?

Thanks again for reading to the end.

See you next week.