The real tell tale sign of ageing

(hint : it has nothing to do with the the length of your socks)

Welcome to my head - a roundup of what I have been thinking about, reading and eating.

Feeling

Pop culture tells me  I should be wearing crew socks, I shouldn’t be wearing skinny jeans, and I most definitely shouldn’t be using an ellipsis when I text...(you can read more about that here) Apparently all of these faux pas mean I am old. But honestly, it’s the fact that I was born in 1968 that makes me old.

Wearing long socks because I’m trying to pretend to be young or because my ankles were cold…

I have been calling all sorts of people old lately as if it’s an insult - my husband when he doesn’t understand a meme, my friend when she objects to a trigger warning, my mother when she tells me a man with a beard used the ladies toilets. 

It was my mother who pointed out that she is, in fact old… (and no, I am not using the ellipsis intentionally it’s just that I’m not 12.)

It’s made me think more about being old and how I’m becoming uncomfortable with the idea that being old is an insult or even a bad thing; it’s just a thing. It means you’ve lived longer, learned more, have formed opinions based on more experience. It doesn’t mean you can’t be woke or aware or unlearn entrenched stereotypes and ways of thinking, in fact having the wisdom and benefit of age means you can do better because you know better.

There is a constant push on social media to be young fit in; to wear the right jeans, to have the right hair cut, listen to the right music, read the right books and support the right causes. And while it’s great to have a guide if you want one, it’s also important to know that you don’t have to dress the same way as the 18-year-old girl on Instagram, the 35-year old corporate high flyer, or the influencer in Byron with the linen clad kids. It’s also okay not to be making TikTok videos if you’re 56, it’s okay to choose the clothes that make you feel good, to watch the TV that makes sense to you, to stop running after a youth you have already lived.

If youth is wasted on the young then maybe maturity is wasted on trying to capture something you’ve already experienced.

Old doesn’t mean dead and it doesn’t mean closed to new ideas and voices. I hope I always continue to learn and grow and become a better version of myself, but it’s liberating to realise that it doesn’t mean I have to act like I’m younger, just smarter.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this if you want to leave a comment.

Reading

Ever since I read The Heart’s Invisible Furies I have had a thing for John Boyne,  I am attracted to his books like iron filings to a magnet, even though they are all so vastly different. This one however, feels like a book by the John-Boyne-I-fell-in-love-with. It is harrowing, captivating, heartbreaking and thought provoking. I’m glad that it was so short (a novella more than a novel) because I don’t know if I would have been able to read much more at such intensity.

When I pick up a book written by a male I’m always a bit afraid of how they are going to portray female characters. Unfair I know, because I don’t think about it so much when female writers depict men (at least I’m self aware). But when a man writes about rape my feelings of trepidation are doubled, so I went into this book tightly braced. Very tightly.

Earth tells the story of two footballers on trial for the rape of a young woman. As the story unfolds we learn about what happened on that night, and “as importantly” (I am still questioning that) what happened in the lead up to that night.

‘Always believe the victim’, it’s a chant I repeat in my head even when I am not reading a book about rape. I don’t want to give away too much of this story but I will always believe the victim, and I will never excuse the perpetrator, but I may think about him differently. Maybe. In the case of this book - definitely.

This is the second in a series of novels by John Boyne but I didn’t know that when I picked it up and have apparently read them in the wrong order, Water comes first. I think I know too much about how Evan Keogh turns out to read the story that came before this, but I can hand on heart recommend this book as a shocking but compulsive read.

Food

If I had more knowledge of filters I would have made this look better - but it tasted great

I made this bread by mixing together

• 600ml buttermilk

• 3 cups whole-wheat flour

• 1 cup sunflower seeds

• 1 cup sesame seeds

• 2 tablespoons of honey

• 1 tsp bicarb of soda

I stirred it all with a wooden spoon and baked it in a lined baking tray at 180 degrees for 50 minutes.

Thanks for reading to the end. Catch up next week when I tell you about the book that I am reading now that I never want to end.